Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
