only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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