M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
