You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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