Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
