Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize