I've blown a few things in my day
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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