Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize