I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize