A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
