Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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