3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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