one two three fourrrrnication!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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