peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
