Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
