You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
whose parrot is this?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
