It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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