when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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