I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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