Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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