Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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