FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
