dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I love having hate sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
