a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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