cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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