Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
