Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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