I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
