so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
