There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
