I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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