OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
