no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
