It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
