I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
