I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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