I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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