Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Success! We fucked roommates!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
