standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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