she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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