omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
