I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
