I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize