ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
