dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
