I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
