Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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