Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
