Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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