My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
