hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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