youre lurking in front of me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
