you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
