thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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