maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
