It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
