Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
A+ Viking dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
