I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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