walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
