The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
