Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
