i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
