I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
