I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
