why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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