I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
