There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
