He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
