Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
