Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
