So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize