I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
