I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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