she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
