I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
