this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
